Relationships. Top tips for keeping relationships alive and kicking.

Relationships. How to make them work and keep working.

Relationships are hard and they don't seem to get any easier the longer you work at them.So here is a little bit of advice gleaned from almost thirty years of married life, I hope that someone might find some of the advice useful.

So many things can conspire to break your relationship apart, from family issues to money worries, before you know it you can end up almost hating the person you once loved.How do you fall in like with your partner again? I guess, no I hope, that most people who marry or commit to a long term relationship, do it for love and not just because they like the other person. There are so many changes involved when you go from being two singles to being a couple from moving house to combining bank accounts and money.

They say that love is blind and I really do think that’s true. Love makes us see things in an odd way. When I first met my husband nearly thirty years ago and we started dating I saw a man who had some wonderful and odd quirks that I found very appealing. But what happens when those quirky little things he does turn from being appealing to appalling? How do you still like the man you still love? A lot of marriages or partnerships hit a rocky patch, or two, sooner or later, how do get through that, how do you stay in a relationship, how do you stay ‘in like’ with each other as well as in love?

I think a good way to stay together is to stay apart a little. I know that there are couples out there who do everything together, go everywhere together, but I really do think that for a long term relationship to work each partner needs some ‘me’ time. My husband has his sports and I have my writing. He watches TV and I shut myself away with my laptop. He goes out to a cricket match and I call on a friend for a chat and a glass of wine.

Sometimes all I need is a few hours shopping alone to appreciate a man who brings me a cup of coffee as I put my aching feet up. Sometimes I need a couple of days away by myself, I guess the old adage is true in my case absence really does make my heart grow fonder.

Whenever I find myself getting more and more irritated as I listen to the sound of him picking his fingers or sucking his teeth or making that really annoying clicking noise with his ankle joint I try to think of some things that I like about him. I won’t lie, sometimes it can be hard to come up with even one. If all else fails I leave the room and his annoying habits for a while. At times like those I usually pull out an old photo album and leaf through it. Pictures of my husband holding one of our kids when they were babies or building a sandcastle with a toddler always make me smile and remember why I love him. Even if sometimes I don’t like him very much.

I think it helps to remember that maybe your partner bears the brunt of your annoyance simply because he’s there. He’s a convenient target on which to vent your general anger and frustration. Try to find a new outlet for all that nasty baggage that can build up during the day. What works for me is to write it down, I hammer away on the keyboard letting all of the days annoyances flow from me and then take great pleasure in hitting the delete button.

Always remember, that if there are times you don’t like him very much, then there are probably times when he doesn’t like you very much either.

I know it’s hard to believe but you can probably be annoying at times too!